5 Ways to Deal With Miserable People
I ran across this article and it really made sense. One of the biggest hurdles we face as a society is negativity. Every day we wake up to the media pouring it on us. I’m sure each of you knows a few people who no matter how positive your mood, try to bring you down anyway they can! The author makes a few salient points on overcoming and moving past these negative bombardments. This article points to the female gender but it applies equally to us men.
Let’s face it, the world is full of miserable people, and they want nothing more than for you to be just as miserable (if not more than) they are. My clients almost immediately notice the amount of negativity in their environment as soon as they stop participating in the constant complaining and griping.
“Everyone is so miserable,” a recent client said. “I can’t stand to be around them.” Well, as long as we are amongst the human species, we will need to learn how to deal with these miserable creatures.
The moment you begin to argue and complain about another person’s negative behavior, you have joined their league. In order to step outside of this cycle, you must accept the situation as it is: miserable and all. When you stop trying to change another person (because you can’t), you are free to live your life free from their negative energy.
Although I don’t make it my business to understand other people, it has been most helpful for me to realize why people are negative. This understanding replaces anger with compassion. I’ve known a lot of miserable people in my life. Hell, I use to be one of them. Here’s what they almost always have in common:
They operate from a place of lack.
Miserable people have a mindset that says something like, “If she’s successful, then she’s taking from me” or “If she’s pretty, then it makes me less pretty.” As you can imagine, this makes everyone an enemy that needs to be destroyed, and the best way to destroy the human spirit is to infuse it with negativity.
They are afraid.
Because they believe the universe is lacking of the resources that they need in order to live abundantly, miserable people are afraid, and this fear manifests itself in negativity in the form of anger, jealousy, envy, among other emotions.
They are filled with miserable thoughts.
I recently dealt with the very worst kind of miserable person: a family member. This person, in a very cynical way, made a “hurtful” comment about something I am working on. At one time, I would have immediately become defensive, and I might have even believed him, but instead, I thought to myself, “Wow…he must have a lot of crappy thoughts.” Then, I let it go, which leads me to the next point.
3. Don’t take it personal.
When you understand the mental workings of the miserable person, you can step outside of the equation, and see it for what it is: not about you.
However, as long as you use another’s words as a filter for your own self-worth, you will take every comment from every person personally, and that leads to a lifetime of roller coaster rides, which is completely out of your control.
When you do this, you give away your power. And girl, you want to keep that so that you can deal with these people.
Epictetus said, “The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” I believe Epictetus would tell you to “get away” from miserable people. Seriously, don’t subject yourself to the negativity when you have a way out.
It’s not worth your time or energy. Personally, I believe that our personal energy is priceless. Protect it with your life, because it is your life.
Lastly, be thankful that you no longer operate at such a miserable level.
Tonya Leigh Williams is a coach, speaker, and writer. She is dedicated to empowering women to create amazing lives and bodies without dieting, deprivation and drama. Her passion is helping women find freedom from body image, weight, and food issues. Tonya teaches the secrets of naturally slender people, coaches women on normal eating without deprivation, and shows women how to simultaneously transform their bodies while also living at peace within them. She has helped women lose weight, gain clarity and purpose, and step into a new life free of struggle. If you are interested in learning more about coaching with Tonya Leigh, please email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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